Cisco's Philosophies

Love cannot be defined. When I first started thinking about love, I knew nothing about it, I know that now. I grew up seeing the same representation of love splattered across every TV and cinema screen, a fairy tale, but love is much more complex than that and while some people are disappointed by it, I grow happier the more I learn about it. Only recently did movies start approaching the subject of love from a point of view that has more shades, more colours than just black and white. Love isn't binary, it isn't simple, it simply isn't. If you listened carefully for the messages in "500 days of summer", "Her" or "Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind", you will realise that.

A younger me was already mature enough to understand that life isn't black and white and things aren't permanent. But a younger me, though aware of love's lack of persistency, did not have the experience to understand how love felt, because nobody can ever transfer that knowledge to you, you have to experience it. A younger me definitely felt in love many times, and just as many times got his expectations crushed. I would call that infatuation, not love, but who am I to name these things, this is just the name I give it. I've been infatuated many times over, before I knew what I wanted in life, because at first all you really want is to discover love, to follow your sudden obsession with this other human being and find a correspondence. Mature as I was, I decided a real relationship required more than just infatuation, more than just affection, kisses and sex. It required understanding, communication and a general feeling of peace and happiness when around the other person. This maturity allowed me to enjoy infatuation and connections without falling into the complexity of what people like to call "a serious relationship". Notice how I quote the term, because all relationships are serious and you should always consider the other half's perspective before you make decisions that can change their life, but I digress. Though he had made connections of all sorts, the younger me still longed for that feeling of stable peace, he still longed for "real love".

I found it one night at a wine festival, or was it later, in a silent moment by the river? Or perhaps in between, in one of the many interactions we've had, or later still, when it was apparent this wasn't a simple temporary connection? I don't think it matters, but I had found what I was looking for: that peace, that happiness, that comfort; The incomparable and unconditional attraction for another person. The affection, the kissing, the sex and those three words were mere instruments of conveying a message, or perhaps tools for extracting as much as you can from this unfathomable feeling. It was unexpected and intense, similar to the fairy tales, and it lasted five years, give or take. During those five years it seemed to grow. Alternatively, it could just have been a different kind of love rising, while the initial infatuation gradually faded. This is how I learned about the everlasting love, the same love you feel for your family, and it made sense that at this point people decide to expand their relationship based on this feeling and extend its name to "family", adding a couple of new members usually derived from the instruments used to express that love.

I also got reminded that everything is temporary. What I did not know was that sometimes it isn't love that's lacking, but the compatibility between two beings. We are complex things, with complex feelings and love isn't the only thing needing decoding. That said, relationships may have a shorter life span than love. This usually makes people sad, which is understandable, since most people grow up learning that love is all it takes, and because people create expectations that aren't always met. But people always look at the half empty portion of the cup: It ended. Instead, I people ought to be looking at the other portion of the cup, the half full "it was great" or "I was happy". Sadness coexists with happiness, they are experienced through the contrast between different experiences. Being sad means you were happy before. To conclude, the everlasting love is there and I will always love this person as family as well as the chapters our books shared.

Fast-forwarding through several chapters of different connections and experiences, I found happiness in accepting that things are temporary and the experience of love is far more important than the promise of forever. I love my ex as someone would love a family member they hardly talk to. She's a person that's very dear to me and has a lot of meaning in my life, but I accept that we're not compatible anymore and we've gone separate ways in life, this makes me happy rather than sad. And although I'm yet to find someone with whom I feel a strong connection as long-lasting as I felt with her, I have already felt stronger connections with shorter lifespans. Now my definition of love is different and kind of complex, because I don't believe the attraction you feel for different people can be compared, there's just too many distinct variables and dimensions.

It was in one crazy night - the sort of night you expect anything to happen except love - that I found it again, in a different shape. It wasn't magical like the first, but it was easy, like all loves should be in the beginning. It was a moment of silence, embracing each other for what looked like forever. No, it was the moment afterward, with our gazes fixed upon each other. No, it was the childish giggling during playful times. Or maybe it was a sum of all those moments. Truth is, the aftermath of it was an uncontrollable need to be together every day, a state of comfort that you can't achieve with other people, the ability to get lost in someone's eyes, reading all the messages they silently convey. This time I knew it was temporary, but I didn't mind, I was ready to create happy memories. "Do you love her?" someone asked me, but I couldn't reply, because I did not know what their notion of love is. So I replied as objectively as possible: "She's one of the most important people for me right now".